hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
