3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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