I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
