Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
