it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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