fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
