How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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