I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he puts the penis in happiness.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
