Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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