don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
