God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
