singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
