already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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