I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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