dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
