I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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