have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
