He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize