The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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