I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The best revenge is premature balding
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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