I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
