My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
