I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
