with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
