Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
