i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
