I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize