i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
