Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
