My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize