Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize