maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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