I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
