Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
