I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
