I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
