Porn is love you can see.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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