It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
