things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
