I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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