friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
