You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
