he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize