Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
