Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize