Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
