my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
