this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
