I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
