I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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