Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
