I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
