Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
