youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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