So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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