The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
