Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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