We're like a lot better than the average bears
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
