I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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