i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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