Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
