I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
