at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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