Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
