My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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