he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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