Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
