Jerry, you need to find god
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
