I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
