oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
