remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
