I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
