everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
