I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize