Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
